A Good Blog is Hard to Find

Men have the market cornered when it comes to suits. They just look better in them- with their broad shoulders and chiseled jaws. I wish women looked half as good in suits as men do. If they did I would be the Donna Draper of the twenty-first century, alcoholism and all. If I looked good in a suit I would throw out my rainbow of dresses and replace them with two expensive suits- one black and one grey. And maybe a pinstripe one for Halloween. My only color would come in the form of ties, preferably stored on an electric rotating tie rack a la Chas Tenenbaum. (I’m feeling very TV/film referencey today). Some might want to argue with me. Lesbians might want to say it’s just because I’m flamingly straight and therefore biased. Sorry lesbians, you are wrong. The male body was made for a suit and vice versa. 

Here is a case study:

I love Ryan Gosling. I would marry him even if I knew he was going to divorce me the next day. I’m shallow and I don’t care who knows. But the man can wear a suit. He has some crazy suit adventures-electric blue, green, plaid. His suit closet probably looks like my dress closest. But this look right here…even that Hooters sign growing from his ear cannot detract from this. If there is a heaven, it is a man in a suit.

Now let’s take a gander at the lady in a suit:

I don’t really care who this is. She’s not Ryan Gosling, that’s for sure. But this just doesn’t work. She tries to make it all sexy and loose with the unbuttoning and the high heels. Even though she went with classic black, Ryan still looks better in this baby blue, 70’s car salesman number:

As does this zombie from The Walking Dead:

Maybe not, but that’s just because the purple shirt is kind of gross- stick with white (it’ll make the blood stains pop).

I’ll admit. Us ladies can look pretty good other ways. No man can ever be a Joan:

But no woman can ever be this:

So I’ll keep on wearing my pretty dresses; I do love them. And I’ll leave the suit-wearing to the manly men.

How is all of this relevant to my theme of writing? Well, I wrote it. And men in English departments are notoriously bad dressers. John Cheever would put on a suit before he wrote; you guys need to step it up. Although I do like writing in sweatpants.

Okay, I’m done.